We're returning to the magical land of Narnia this week with THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: PRINCE CASPIAN, and things sure have changed. The battles are bigger, the CGI animals are better, and Peter, Susan, Edmund and Lucy all suck harder. It makes this pretty bland Disney fantasy movie just as much of a slog to get through as last time, but at least the circumstances of this story allow us to get some classic We Want The D conversation going about the implication of four children who grew up to be kings and queens then being shoved back into their pubescent and pre-pubescent bodies.
There's been a lot of Santas in the Disney canon, and a lot of Santa mythology to go along with it. From strict, clothing-based contract law, to gadget-driven efficiencies, to dark spectres who send death-dealing angels to those who might not have enough holiday cheer. NOELLE is the most mythology-heavy version of the Santa figure we've seen yet, while also featuring the pluckiest lead character. Which of course means there's quite a bit for our hosts to chew on, like so much fruit cake and candy canes and other famously tasty(?) holiday treats...(Nolan writes these and is still new to the whole Christmas thing.)
Christmas magic manifests in so many different ways, as we've seen in many of the holiday movies we've watched for We Want The D. This week, just a pinch of it is added to a recipe: take the classic Prussian story and the famous ballet and score it inspired; generously mix in some tried-and-true Disney storytelling tropes like dead moms, obvious third act twists, and style-over-substance plotting; add a few drops of nightmare fuel in the form of horrible mouse monsters and creepy little French clowns; and sprinkle with a hint of Christmas magic. Overblow and underbake and you end up with THE NUTCRACKER AND THE FOUR REALMS.
There's a chill in the air, there's snow on the ground, and it's getting dark at four in the afternoon...yet our hosts aren't that glum. That can only mean one thing - we're back on the Krumholtz Creep! The holiday season is upon us so it's time to revisit Disney's meager theatrical offerings for holiday movies, and their bountiful MOW and direct-to-video ones. We're starting with the latter by watching 'TWAS THE NIGHT, a movie that shares some DNA with the more beloved The Santa Clause, but isn't nearly as good...despite starring objectively better actor Bryan Cranston.
When we last checked in with Benjamin Franklin Gates, his creepy dad, his put-upon girlfriend/wife, and his goober-yet-handsome pal they were embroiled in a plot to steal the Declaration of Independence before Sean Bean could and uncover a lost treasure hiding in plain sight under Manhattan. In Disney's NATIONAL TREASURE: BOOK OF SECRETS the gang comes back together to kidnap the President of the United States because he has this secret book of secrets that will hopefully have the second half of a clue that will lead them to a hidden city (or temple?) of gold somewhere in the Dakotas so Benjamin Franklin Gates can clear the smeared name of his ancestor so hundreds of years from now the Gates name won't be Mud thanks to Ed Harris who also wants to find the treasure but mostly so that people will say nice things about his own family's name....yeah these movies are a lot.
There's a feeling of familiarity in this week's episode of We Want The D. It could be, of course, all of the familiar Disney faces in THE ABSENT-MINDED PROFESSOR - our favourite old dad Fred MacMurray (though playing an old bachelor this time); our favourite scrambled egghead Tommy Kirk (though playing the popular jock this time); our favourite villain from the Herbie franchise Alonzo Hawk (who we compare to popular Greater Toronto Area personality Russell Oliver). But then again, it could just be all the bouncing from the flubber making our hosts a little disoriented.
At this point in our journey through the Disney filmography, it feels like we've pretty much seen it all. There's no new ideas, just an endless parade of hapless leading men, car chases, animal sidekicks, and trios of mobsters and villains. How, then, does one inject a much needed boost of the unfamiliar to make the formula of 1970s Disney feel fresh? Turns out, it's as simple as moving the action from dry land to the water, as the coast guard, criminals and just general populace who congregate at the Balboa marina managed to mostly win over our hosts' hearts and mind in this week's film - THE BOATNIKS.
After two hundred and twenty five episodes, it appears we are only just getting to our first proper Disney western. Sure, we've seen movies with cowboys and frontier living, but most of those cowboys are played by people like Don Knotts. WESTWARD HO, THE WAGONS! is a movie with a lot of punctuation, but even more classic trappings of the western genre...and not all of them good (bet you can guess which ones based on the poster alone). It's not all bad though - the infinitely watchable Fess Parker is here to soothe our viewing, along with his golden voice and stoic, comforting presence. And nobody on this particular wagon train taking the Oregon Trail dies of dysentery...at least on-screen.
It's All Hallow's Eve, and that means its time for Vicky, Nolan and Jill to return to the spookiest scariest happiest ...well, a place on Earth, at least. Kinda, guess it's not really on Earth either. In any case, it's a place with a lot of sunshine and rubber masks, so it can only mean we watched HALLOWEENTOWN II: KALABAR'S REVENGE. Only this time, the rubber masks are put away and the sunshine is dulled by a grayscale palate. Look, these Halloweentown movies are contradictions in and of themselves, and our hosts have enough time parsing why some of us loathe them beyond measure and some of us enjoy them. Sigh. At least Debbie Reynolds is still in this one.
Leaves are crunching underfoot and the smell of pumpkin spice is in the air, and you know what that means D-Lovers: time to watch some lousy Disney TV Movies because they haven't made enough theatrically released Halloween films! This year we're kicking things off with the House of Mouse's first attempt at turning a ride into a movie with TOWER OF TERROR. A story about a child murder plot (in that a child was both the victim and the murderer) anchored by a barely-there Steve Guttenberg and a very present Kristen Dunst, all set in a spooky Hollywood Hotel which for some reason was allowed to remain abandoned for sixty years rather than bought up and redeveloped. And that's just the beginning of this strange tale!
This week's movie gets filed under both subgenre "horse movie" and subgenre "war movie" in the Disney canon. But despite those promising categories, MIRACLE OF THE WHITE STALLIONS is dry like a cracker...though still not altogether unpleasant. It's sort of like the dressage style tricks the titular White Stallions do (in multiple extended sequences) - we understand that there's supposed to be something cool and impressive about it, but it just isn't quite coming through. Just like how we understand the lead of this movie is meant to be Austrian, but he's just coming off as corn-fed Nebraskan.
Sometimes, D-Lovers, you hope against hope that something that looks like a duck and quacks like a duck just isn't a duck. In this case, we looked at Disney's THE DEVIL AND MAX DEVLIN and hoped that just because it's a Ron Miller-led 80s movie pre-Touchstone, and just because it stars Elliott Gould (who we've already learned isn't really "on-brand" for Disney as a leading man), and just because *sigh* Bill Cosby is also in it, that somehow it might not be as bad as it looks on paper. Turns out, it might be worse.
It's the end of an era here on We Want The D as we bid farewell to one of the brightest Disney stars who has faded all too quickly. CONFESSIONS OF A TEENAGE DRAMA QUEEN may not be Lindsay Lohan at her best (especially when Mean Girls came out the same year), but there's a charm to this movie that our hosts can't deny. Maybe it's Alison Pill putting in work as the plain best friend; maybe it's the stylized-if-inconsistent directorial vision; maybe it's the most insane wardrobe collection we've seen to date. Whatever it is, it made for quite the send-off for our dear LiLo (no, not the little Hawaiian girl).
Picture it, D-Lovers. Toyland. What kind of place of imagination and wonder would have such a name? The mind boggles with the possibilities, doesn't it? Unfortunately, if you want to find out we can't recommend that you watch Disney's BABES IN TOYLAND because despite the title, Toyland takes a shocking amount of time to make an appearance and even then...well, let's just say we hope you really like Ed Wynn. That said, if you want to see Ray Bolger pussyfoot around, TWO Corcoran brothers, and like, five Annette Funicello's singing about how dumb they are, this movie might be up your alley.
It's not déjà vu you're experiencing, D-Lovers; Disney really did make another adaptation of A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court a mere three years after the one we watched a few months ago. They really did return to the same location in Budapest. They really did use one of the same lead actresses. Really, the only thing they did differently is instead of a kid who travels through time (and reality - remember that King Arthur and Camelot did not exist) it's Whoopi Goldberg. Which of course means despite being a TV movie, this is obviously the superior adaptation...though don't get it twisted, that's damning A KNIGHT IN CAMELOT with faint praise.
The deep in our dive into the Disney canon we're getting used to seeing some familiar faces in front of and behind the camera. Fred MacMurray, Vincent McEveety, Kurt Russell, Harry Morgan - when their names pop up we know we're in that special era of 1960s/1970s live action Disney. Of course, there were other signs that could have tipped us off in CHARLEY AND THE ANGEL. An old dad, an extended car chase, a completely unexpected and probably unnecessary mobster subplot. But none of our hosts were expecting to see another movie in which an "angel" reveals themselves to the main character not as a benevolent and guiding force of light and good, but as a grim spectre of looming death and disaster. But that's Disney for you!
Smell that D-lovers? There's something in the air, something that portends of things to come...the start of three picture deal between a mega-star in the making and a movie studio on the cusp of its all en-compassing takeover of the entertainment industry. It smells delicious, but dangerous. What could it be, that smell coming from the kitchen? Ah, that's right - it's THE GAME PLAN. That's what The Rock is cooking! The first of the three collaborations between Dwayne Johnson and Disney, this story of a star athlete who is somehow still on a seemingly time-limited quest for a Super Bowl Big Game championship ring getting his life upturned by the arrival of a young daughter he didn't know existed is a little bit paint-by-numbers, but the charisma that Rock "The Dwayne" Johnson would ride into our hearts and box office gold is still on full display.
In this modern era of countless sequels, reboots and remakes, the question that often arises is "are any of these movies necessary?" It's a question our hosts feel qualified to answer now that our Summer of Sequels has drawn to a close. Our answer? Nah, probably not. And Disney's direct-to-video POCAHONTAS II: JOURNEY TO A NEW WORLD is exhibit A. The original Pocahontas is a pretty dull movie Disney had no right to make that somewhat justified its existence thanks to some truly stellar animation. The sequel double down on all that, but cuts the animation quality by at least two-thirds. If the best thing that can be said about your movie is that it no longer features Mel Gibson's voice, but still features his younger brother, you know you're in deep trouble.
Who could have imagined that a made-for-tv series of films would end up being such a core pillar of our Disney film podcast? It's been quite a journey we've gone on with Mal, Evie, Carlos and Jay along with the rest of the gang from Auradon and the Isle of the Lost. There's been up and downs; bad choreography and certified bangers; chaste hugs and hammy performances; horny lakes and showdowns between demigods. DESCENDANTS 3 has a big task ahead of it to bring such a saga to a close, so let's not waste anymore time and see how they did.
It's the penultimate entry of the Summer of Sequels, so it felt appropriate to return to Agrabah for one last magic carpet ride with Aladdin and the gang. Including a returning Robin Williams voicing Genie, who they really let off the leash for this one. But for all those obscure impressions and an actually halfway decent story, ALADDIN AND THE KING OF THIEVES is still a Disney direct-to-video sequel, so its not without its shortcomings. The animation is, shall we say, janky. Jasmine is done dirty in pretty much every imaginable way. The songs are, well, tolerable, but mostly because they are rip-offs of the songs from the first movie. Basically, saying its better than Return of Jafar is a textbook case of being damned with faint praise.
Weird to think that Disney went a little Mark Twain crazy in the 90s, isn't it? But they went whole-hog on film adaptations of quite a few of his novels, and this week on We Want The D we tackle TOM AND HUCK, their take on The Adventures of Tom Sawyer starring a couple Tiger Beat cover regulars. Yup, JayTayToe is back and he's brought tragic victim of how Hollywood treats child actors Brad Renfro with him for all sorts of 1840s era adventures. You know, classic old timey stuff like almost drowning, psychologically torturing your cousin, and witnessing a vicious graveyard murder that nearly results in an innocent man being lynched. But somehow between subject matter and the innate sadness of a movie featuring Brad Renfro and Charles Rocket, we still manage to have some fun with this one.
This deep into the Summer of Sequels, our hosts have learned to be on the lookout for some common pitfalls. Cheaper animation, inverted plot points and lazier songwriting are just a few examples of the trappings Disney likes to adorn their sequels with. Luckily for our Mary Poppins-loving hosts, MARY POPPINS RETURNS avoids many of these elements and is altogether a pretty decent follow-up to the beloved classic. Which isn't to say it's practically perfect in every way, by any means. For every solid performance given or amazingly choreographed number or well-dressed set, there's also heavy-handed villains or depressing songs about a dead wife and mother or a (hotly contested) use of BMX bike stunts.
It's been a busy summer of remakes for Disney, but it's finally over (at least for now) with the release of their updated version of THE LION KING. That's right all the words, notes and even some voices that you loved from the beloved animated classic, now with 100% more photorealistic looking animals. It's so similar, you'll gasp in wonder, exclaiming "what's the point?" as Timon and Pumbaa slurp down some very real looking creepy crawlies. You'll wince when you hear a line delivery that just doesn't sound quite right. But it's still The Lion King, so you'll probably enjoy it anyway.
No Summer of Sequels would be complete without a visit to the absolute depths of the Eisner-instigated era of sequels. While sequels to Disney's animated classics were generally relegated to direct-to-video releases, the odd time they decided to go the theatrical route, and Peter Pan sequel RETURN TO NEVERLAND is one such case. These movies also tended to be, well, more or less identical to their original installments, maybe with a few plot inversions. As you may suspect, that doesn't leave our hosts with a whole lot to talk about, which is always a recipe for things to go just a titch off the rails. Which is fine. It's totally fine. Don't worry. By no means do our hosts come up with absolutely insane proposals for alternate plots for this movie. Or at least only a little. Don't worry about it.
Our hosts' journey through the complete Disney filmography has always been one of discovery. Old favourites seen in new lights, modern classics being scrutinized, and yellow-face skeletons found in closets. But Vicky, Nolan and Jill often have the best time when they discover a diamond in the rough. On paper, THE BISCUIT EATER sounds like pretty standard 70s Disney fare, subcategory "boy and his dog" movie. In reality, it surprised and delighted with its good-natured characters, lack of having any people or pets die unexpectedly, and what may be one of the best scenes we've seen yet.