Welcome, D-sciples, to the Summer of Pirates! We Want The D is celebrating the decades old tradition of blockbuster season by dedicating the next five months to one of Disney's most successful franchises, PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN. On the eve of the release of a fifth installment that nobody really asked for or wanted, Vicky, Nolan and Jill go back to where it all began - when a big budget movie based on a theme park ride, captained by an eccentric lead actor in a one-of-a-kind performance sailed into the hearts and minds of audiences everywhere. 2003 was a simpler time for movie franchises, and our hosts look back fondly on this stand-alone film unhindered by the baggage of multiple sequels and Johnny Depp's scandal-laden life and bizarre career choices. There'll be plenty of time for all that in the months ahead, but until then, we hope you'll enjoy the start of this epic series as we navigate the treacherous waters of the Summer of Pirates.
It's prom season, y'all. The time of year when teenagers get all gussied up, tearfully reminisce about all those good high school times, and get underage drunk. Of course in Disney's PROM only two of those three things are going to happen. Vicky, Nolan and Jill may have grown somewhat cynical about this "greatest night of our lives" event, but our hosts still had a blast talking about this movie. How could they not, when the cast of high school students have age ranges from 16 to 28 and the presence of Aimee Teegarden gives them an excuse to talk about Friday Night Lights at length (again). They even do a little retrospective thinking on their own proms, and we know how much you D-sciples have been clamouring to know more about that. You don't even need to ask, We Want The D delivers.
A long time ago in a galaxy far far away...
DISNEY'S THE BLACK HOLE
Episode I: We Just Made the One Episode
A small tuna can-shaped ship drifts through the blackness of space, on a long search for intelligent life or a hospitable planet, or something like that. Crewed by an unlikely group of largely boring versions of better actors, as well as Ernest Borgnine and Norman Bates from Psycho, and one floating trash can that speaks in Snapple Cap quotes. Little do they know they will soon stumble across the long-lost USS Cygnus, and find that its crew has mysteriously vanished, and certainly have not been turning into those human-looking robots by the unhinged Dr. Hans Reinhardt and his murderously aggressive henchman robot (slash-possible captor) Maximillian. A story that is largely predictable is about to transpire, followed by a roughly 30 minute climax that needs to be seen to believed, though not necessarily understood.
The Black Hole: The final frontier. This is the voyage of a small crew into possibly Hell or Heaven. It's unclear, but it's almost certainly where no man (or Girl) has gone before.
We've talked our fair share about Disney's recent trend of remaking their animated classics into live action spectacles here on We Want The D. But somehow, we forgot that this trend it older than the past few years. That in fact it dates back to the mid 90s, when for some reason, the people running the House of Mouse decided it would be a good idea to throw an absurd amount of money at making a live action version of their classic 101 DALMATIANS. The result is some pretty impressive production design, elaborate action set pieces staged in downtown London, and of course an absurd amount of merchandising. What nobody working on the movie seemed to realize is taking movie that derived its charm from its talking animal characters and reorienting the story so it centered on the boring human counterparts was an absurdly bad idea. The result is something that looks a lot like 101 Dalmatians, but a soulless, bland version of the first half of the movie and a second half that is basically Home Alone.