Loyal D Lovers know that sometimes things can get a little risqué here on We Want The D. This week, we swear it isn't our fault. Because you can Disney-fy Alexandre Dumas' swashbuckling story of intrigue, romance, and betrayal all you want, there'll still be way more sexy than your typical Disney movie. But boy did they ever try to sap as much of it out as they could. Why else would they cast Oliver Platt as one of the musketeers, even at his most svelt? Why else pair Rebecca De Mornay is the world's tightest corset with the lean, grade eleven gym class body of Chris O'Donnell? Why, oh god why, make Tim Curry give the most creepy and lecherous performance ever as Cardinal Richelieu? He creeps on a young woman in a bath! Add in totally wooden performances from Charlie Sheen and Kiefer Sutherland on the wane from their 80s hayday, and you have to wonder what was going on at Disney when they decided to adapt THE THREE MUSKETEERS.
Welcome once again, D Lovers, to the wild and untamed frontier of 1960s and 1970s Disney Live Action film making. You may recognize the bizarre aimlessness of the stories Disney told in this era from past episodes, but none that featured a cast quite as stacked as this one. We've got Dr. Bruce Banner before Disney bought Marvel. We've got MASH's Harry Morgan, noted character actor Slim Pickens, and Sarnia's own Susan Clark. Most of all, THE APPLE DUMPLING GANG features the first appearance of comedy duo Don Knotts and Tim Conway...a pair that was apparently a thing for awhile? Vicky, Nolan and Jill aren't totally dismayed by Disney's attempt at a western here, but mostly because it gave us an excuse to talk about HBO's Deadwood. So grab yourselves some apple dumplings of your own, and try to keep them down as Vicky describes Don Knotts' fish lips, and enjoy another episode of We Want The D!
Despite being a relatively young form of art and entertainment, movies still have changed quite a bit over the years, and Disney films are no exception. The classics of yesterday may have a little struggle standing up on their spindly little deer legs in comparison to more modern efforts. This week on We Want The D, we're looking at a perfect example of this with BAMBI. It may share some common story traits with another, more recent, Disney classic about a young animal prince who learns harsh lessons about growing up in the wilderness of their own kingdom, but not much beyond that loose description is even comparable. Bambi is one of those movies where it's probably more interesting to talk about how it was made; with incredible animation led by an immigrant art director, or Walt himself being compared to the villainous man who stalks the cuddly forest creatures; than it is to talk about the story which contains maybe a dozen beats, many of which just involve changes in the weather. Vicky, Nolan and Jill may have a healthy respect for the classics, but that doesn't mean they get a free pass when given the We Want The D treatment.
We're diving back into the wonderful world movies based on Disney Channel original series on We Want The D this week, and Vicky, Nolan and Jill couldn't be more excited. While none of us may have been big Duff-fiends in the height of her Disney career, the Lizzie McGuire star was certainly pervasive enough that we had an idea of what we were in store for, and THE LIZZIE McGUIRE MOVIE did not disappoint. Beautiful girl supposedly a social outcast because she is clumsy? Check. Eighteen year old who looks like a preteen next to actual preteens? Check. Nonsensical and unexplained plot about doppelgängers that nobody blinks twice at? Check. Terribly written and produced pop song? Check. Bad, like really bad, accents? Check, check, check. This movie hit all the right benchmarks that make it so wrong on so many levels, and it made it a blast to watch and talk about.